MUSIC ART FASHION CULTURE
The Myth of Elsewhere
There's a particular kind of longing that comes from believing happiness lives somewhere else, in another city, another version of yourself, a life you almost chose. Azure Ryder built her debut album, Even Flowers Can Bruise, out of that very tension. Ahead of its release, she sat down to talk about the record's opening track, "Pipe Dream of California," the years spent living away from home, and what it actually means to find yourself when you were never really lost.
EM: "Pipe Dream of California" is such an evocative title. What does California represent to you in the song, and where did the idea come from?
AR: In this song California represented to me this land of broken dreams, the place I went to find them, and in my case at the time I wrote this, take my last chance at chasing them. The idea came from when I was leaving London to move back home to Australia. At this time I thought I had a final shot at pursuing my dream so I decided to go via California out of hope, most definitely weaved in longing, like the sun soaked into the cracks in the pavement.
EM: You're about to release your debut album, Even Flowers Can Bruise. What does the album mean to you now that you're on the other side of making it?
AR: It means everything to me, from the journey I have had to this point, it's this one thing that I now have that I can proudly hold to my chest and know it's my whole heart, my hands and my voice. It holds the wandering, tumbling and twirling that lead me here, it holds the reminder that I still turn to learn from the words I wrote, and it holds the courage to finally say this is me.
EM: Across the album, there's a real tension between longing, vulnerability and self-acceptance. Did you discover anything about yourself while making it that you didn't expect to?
AR: I think that my vulnerability is my strength, and that being "too much" makes me exactly the fullness of who I am.
EM: You've spent time living away from Australia and eventually came home. What did leaving teach you about yourself, and what did coming home teach you?
AR: Leaving taught me who I wasn't and coming home taught me who I always was.
EM: Why do you think we're so drawn to the idea that another place, another life or another version of ourselves might finally make us happy?
AR: I think it's the narrative of grass being greener that we are taught to believe in our largely comparison encouraged society. This is something we all go through as humans, and I don't believe it is to be discouraged because any experience we have in another place, or another version of ourselves that we try on, we learn from, we grow from and all these wanderings ultimately lead us back to where and who we are meant to be.
EM: Have you ever found yourself chasing a version of your life that you realised you were more in love with as an idea than as a reality?
AR: Absolutely, this album is the story of the parallel between the life I never got to live and the reality I actually was. 'Pipe Dream of California' purposely sits at the top of my record and sets the scene ahead of songs further along the tracklist that, just like my journey, are sensitive to this very note.
EM: Do you think ambition can sometimes become a way of escaping yourself, or is there a point where wanting more simply means you've outgrown where you are?
AR: I will never be someone to discourage dreaming, I understand ambition could lead some astray but to me ambition is curiosity to grow in and towards yourself. It's okay to want more for your self growth, more for your passions, more for what you love. I don't feel we will ever have it all figured out, and I hope to be curious for my whole lifetime rather than ask less of it.
EM: We talk a lot about "finding yourself," but do you think we actually find ourselves, or do we slowly become more honest about who we already are?
AR: "Finding yourself" does often insinuate that you are to be found outside of yourself, which is a wild but largely experienced thought that would suggest there is nothing within ourselves to begin with. Unless we are talking about nature, which we can all find support in, home, who we are, is most definitely where the heart is, and honesty of the heart can be a terrifying thing especially the older we get and the more fear we cling to. So yes, I think there is truth in slowly becoming more honest and perhaps more courageous in understanding and rediscovering the core of who we already are and how to grow with it as we naturally do.
EM: What version of yourself have you had to let go of to become the person and artist you are now?
AR: I see it as more of an accepting and embracing rather than letting go of. This is something I am still working on and I think we all spend our lifetimes learning to do. Becoming comfortable in our own skin, noticing the scars that bare our experiences but trying our best to turn them into something beautiful.
EM: The Fool is often depicted as stepping into the unknown with no guarantee of where the path will lead. Do you think you have to be a little bit foolish to pursue a creative life?
AR: Certainly, and I don't think it's particular to a creative life, it's life itself. I am a jump first, land later kind of person, there is always a chance you might fall and fall often but one day you will stick the landing, just like love really, I am and will continue to be a fool for it.
EM: What have you believed in before there was any evidence that it would work? Has there been a moment where trusting that belief changed the course of your life?
AR: That a song's value is written at the core, not increased by the volume of how it is dressed. I first felt this with my song 'Wolves' that I released back in 2020. I had a team at the time that was trying to tell me I needed additional production to make it "cooler," give it the "lift" it needed, but I fought to keep it as the demo we had recorded, just my voice and guitar. It is to this day the first and long standing song of mine that has resonated most widely and that is a belief that I took forward with me into writing and recording this album, that I will never add something that takes away from the story. I adored the sonic world we built around my debut record, it's every extension of me but I trust that I can play all these songs from the album just as they were first written, me and my guitar and believe as much in them as I do with the extended production around.
EM: What are you learning to trust now that you can't necessarily prove or know for certain?
AR: That the steps I am taking now are in forward motion.
EM: If The Fool is someone willing to take the first step without knowing where the road ends, what are you willing to walk towards now without knowing where it will take you?
AR: Love, it's always been love.
Across every answer, the same idea circles back: that the myth of elsewhere, the other city, the other life, the other self, was never really about escape. It was rehearsal. Azure Ryder's Even Flowers Can Bruise doesn't resolve the tension between longing and belonging so much as it sits inside it, track by track, and trusts that the wandering was always leading somewhere true. As she puts it herself, the steps forward don't need proof to be forward, just the willingness, fool-like, to keep taking them.
EM: "Pipe Dream of California" is such an evocative title. What does California represent to you in the song, and where did the idea come from?
AR: In this song California represented to me this land of broken dreams, the place I went to find them, and in my case at the time I wrote this, take my last chance at chasing them. The idea came from when I was leaving London to move back home to Australia. At this time I thought I had a final shot at pursuing my dream so I decided to go via California out of hope, most definitely weaved in longing, like the sun soaked into the cracks in the pavement.
EM: You're about to release your debut album, Even Flowers Can Bruise. What does the album mean to you now that you're on the other side of making it?
AR: It means everything to me, from the journey I have had to this point, it's this one thing that I now have that I can proudly hold to my chest and know it's my whole heart, my hands and my voice. It holds the wandering, tumbling and twirling that lead me here, it holds the reminder that I still turn to learn from the words I wrote, and it holds the courage to finally say this is me.
EM: Across the album, there's a real tension between longing, vulnerability and self-acceptance. Did you discover anything about yourself while making it that you didn't expect to?
AR: I think that my vulnerability is my strength, and that being "too much" makes me exactly the fullness of who I am.
EM: You've spent time living away from Australia and eventually came home. What did leaving teach you about yourself, and what did coming home teach you?
AR: Leaving taught me who I wasn't and coming home taught me who I always was.
EM: Why do you think we're so drawn to the idea that another place, another life or another version of ourselves might finally make us happy?
AR: I think it's the narrative of grass being greener that we are taught to believe in our largely comparison encouraged society. This is something we all go through as humans, and I don't believe it is to be discouraged because any experience we have in another place, or another version of ourselves that we try on, we learn from, we grow from and all these wanderings ultimately lead us back to where and who we are meant to be.
EM: Have you ever found yourself chasing a version of your life that you realised you were more in love with as an idea than as a reality?
AR: Absolutely, this album is the story of the parallel between the life I never got to live and the reality I actually was. 'Pipe Dream of California' purposely sits at the top of my record and sets the scene ahead of songs further along the tracklist that, just like my journey, are sensitive to this very note.
EM: Do you think ambition can sometimes become a way of escaping yourself, or is there a point where wanting more simply means you've outgrown where you are?
AR: I will never be someone to discourage dreaming, I understand ambition could lead some astray but to me ambition is curiosity to grow in and towards yourself. It's okay to want more for your self growth, more for your passions, more for what you love. I don't feel we will ever have it all figured out, and I hope to be curious for my whole lifetime rather than ask less of it.
EM: We talk a lot about "finding yourself," but do you think we actually find ourselves, or do we slowly become more honest about who we already are?
AR: "Finding yourself" does often insinuate that you are to be found outside of yourself, which is a wild but largely experienced thought that would suggest there is nothing within ourselves to begin with. Unless we are talking about nature, which we can all find support in, home, who we are, is most definitely where the heart is, and honesty of the heart can be a terrifying thing especially the older we get and the more fear we cling to. So yes, I think there is truth in slowly becoming more honest and perhaps more courageous in understanding and rediscovering the core of who we already are and how to grow with it as we naturally do.
EM: What version of yourself have you had to let go of to become the person and artist you are now?
AR: I see it as more of an accepting and embracing rather than letting go of. This is something I am still working on and I think we all spend our lifetimes learning to do. Becoming comfortable in our own skin, noticing the scars that bare our experiences but trying our best to turn them into something beautiful.
EM: The Fool is often depicted as stepping into the unknown with no guarantee of where the path will lead. Do you think you have to be a little bit foolish to pursue a creative life?
AR: Certainly, and I don't think it's particular to a creative life, it's life itself. I am a jump first, land later kind of person, there is always a chance you might fall and fall often but one day you will stick the landing, just like love really, I am and will continue to be a fool for it.
EM: What have you believed in before there was any evidence that it would work? Has there been a moment where trusting that belief changed the course of your life?
AR: That a song's value is written at the core, not increased by the volume of how it is dressed. I first felt this with my song 'Wolves' that I released back in 2020. I had a team at the time that was trying to tell me I needed additional production to make it "cooler," give it the "lift" it needed, but I fought to keep it as the demo we had recorded, just my voice and guitar. It is to this day the first and long standing song of mine that has resonated most widely and that is a belief that I took forward with me into writing and recording this album, that I will never add something that takes away from the story. I adored the sonic world we built around my debut record, it's every extension of me but I trust that I can play all these songs from the album just as they were first written, me and my guitar and believe as much in them as I do with the extended production around.
EM: What are you learning to trust now that you can't necessarily prove or know for certain?
AR: That the steps I am taking now are in forward motion.
EM: If The Fool is someone willing to take the first step without knowing where the road ends, what are you willing to walk towards now without knowing where it will take you?
AR: Love, it's always been love.
Across every answer, the same idea circles back: that the myth of elsewhere, the other city, the other life, the other self, was never really about escape. It was rehearsal. Azure Ryder's Even Flowers Can Bruise doesn't resolve the tension between longing and belonging so much as it sits inside it, track by track, and trusts that the wandering was always leading somewhere true. As she puts it herself, the steps forward don't need proof to be forward, just the willingness, fool-like, to keep taking them.